So, Your Teenager Wants to Talk to the Judge...

It’s happening more frequently in Texas family courts—teenagers are requesting to speak directly to the judge. Thanks to changes in the 2009 Texas Legislature, some child custody cases now mandate a meeting with the judge for children over the age of 12, while for younger children, it’s only advisory. Though it may seem like an opportunity for your child to have their voice heard, the impact can be more complicated than you think.

The History Behind It

Before 2009, Texas allowed children to file affidavits choosing which parent they wanted to live with. But this practice was often abused, with kids feeling pressured to pick sides or simply changing their minds between weekends. The 2009 law aimed to address these issues by allowing children to speak directly to the judge, ensuring their thoughts and feelings were considered.

The age for this opportunity has fluctuated, ranging from 14 to as low as 10 years old in the past. But now, a 12-year-old may have the chance to express a preference about which parent they want to live with—and that can shift the dynamics of your custody case.

The Pros and Cons of the “Judge Chat”

The goal behind this law is to create a fairer, more direct way of understanding what the child truly wants, but it’s not without its drawbacks. Here’s a look at both sides:

• The Upside: Unlike the old practice of signed affidavits, speaking directly with a judge can reduce the risk of manipulation or confusion. It offers children an opportunity to feel heard in the process.
• The Downside: At its core, this law can put children in a difficult position. Asking a 12-year-old to choose between parents often leads to emotional distress. And, unfortunately, it can create an environment ripe for manipulation—whether by the child or one of the parents. It also complicates the role of the judge, shifting them from a legal decision-maker to an emotional mediator.

What Happens When Your Teen Wants to Talk to the Judge?

If your child is over 12 and expresses a desire to meet with the judge, there are a few things you should understand:

1. Mandatory vs. Discretionary: If your child is over 12, they must be given the chance to meet with the judge if they express a preference regarding custody. For children under 12, it’s only discretionary. However, your lawyer can work to delay this or potentially avoid it.

2. The Jury Option: One strategy to stop this process in its tracks is to request a jury trial. If a jury is present, the judge cannot interview your child about custody preferences, though this tactic can have complications. A last-minute withdrawal of a jury request can hurt your credibility in court.

3. Handling the Interview: If the judge is going to interview your child, make sure your attorney has a clear strategy. The earlier the interview happens, the more time you have to present your case to the judge before the child’s interview. If you know that the other parent has a closer relationship with your child, try to delay the interview as long as possible.

4. Influence of Social Media and Technology: In today’s digital age, children may have more access to social media or be communicating with the other parent in ways that influence their decisions. If your child’s preference seems influenced by outside pressures, consider introducing evidence that reflects this in court.

What Should You Do Next?

First and foremost, understand the law in your area. Texas has different practices from county to county, so it’s essential to know what applies to your specific situation.

• Work with Your Lawyer: Keep your lawyer in the loop and discuss possible strategies for handling the interview. Every family’s situation is unique, and your attorney can guide you in making the best decision for your child’s well-being.

• Consider Therapy: If your child is struggling emotionally or seems to be caught in the middle of a custody dispute, counseling may help. A counselor can assess your child’s emotional state and provide a professional perspective on whether they are being influenced.

• Get Ahead of the Situation: If you know the judge is going to speak with your child, try to make sure your position is clear to the court before that happens. Having strong evidence of your parenting history, your relationship with your child, and your ability to provide stability will be crucial.

The Final Word

As parents, we all want the best for our children, but custody battles are incredibly difficult. If your child does request to speak to the judge, it’s important to manage the process carefully. While it may feel like a daunting moment, remember that judges are experienced at reading between the lines. They’ll be looking at the big picture and making their decision based on the best interests of the child—not just who the child wants to live with at the moment.

Being “second choice” in your child’s mind is painful, but it doesn’t have to define your parenting. Ultimately, if you can show that you are the best parent for your child—regardless of their current preference—the judge will recognize that.